DR BILL ROGERS

The Sulker

 

Strategies in Action

 

Just before the recess bell, I directed Veronica to stay back after class for a few minutes. "What for?" was her injured-party reply. I ignored this and dismissed the class. As the class left, Veronica folded her arms and slouched against the wall. I asked Veronica if there was a problem in class.

 

Veronica: (eyes down, subdued sulkiness) "Nope."

 

Teacher: "Maybe you're feeling annoyed or upset because I've asked you to stay back?"

 

Veronica: "Yeah. What did I do?"

 

Teacher: "Do you remember when I asked you to go back to your own desk? Do you remember what you did and said?" Veronica gave me marginal eye contact at this point. 

 

Teacher: "Do you mind if I show you what you said?"

 

Veronica: "What?"

 

Teacher: "Let me show you."

 

Here I mirrored to her the postural, gestural, and tonal behavior I'd seen and heard that morning, complete with the tossed head and the hurt look to suggest gross unfairness on my part. As I gave the brief demonstration and came out of role and smiled, Veronica fought back an involuntary grin and said, "I don't do that all the time." "No, that's true," I replied, "but you do act like that many times. I don't speak like that to you, Veronica. When you speak like that, it shows disrespect because of the tone and the way you say it."

 

Veronica: "Yeah, well, I didn't mean it."

 

Teacher: "Okay, maybe you didn't mean it, but that's what you said and that's how it sounded."

 

At this point, some students give a cursory apology. Avoid saying, "You're not really sorry, are you?" Accept the apology with a reminder of the school rule about respect.